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Dr. Ryan Hooper and Kate Hooper are online advice columnists providing free life advice for your mental health, dating, and relationship questions. Ask Gigi is a bi-weekly, sex and relationships advice column. Send your sex & relationship questions to [email protected] Traditional personal advice and opinion column for questions about Weekly Dating Column He evidently does not want to continue the relationship.
She should be car shopping, herself. But if not, understand that your boyfriend is putting his daughter ahead of you. Instead of fighting it, reconsider this relationship because of your pecking order in it. Your boyfriend should not be parenting your son. Dear April, I am 30 and he is 40, and our twins are ten years old.
We first got together 12 years ago, but split up because I was young, pregnant and scared, and subsequently, both married other people. He got a divorce and my husband and I split up, and my boyfriend and I got back together.
He asked me to marry him again but I have to get my divorce. Our sex life was always terrific, but about 8 months ago, it started deteriorating. I really believe he is cheating on me. I love him to death but is it time for me to just move on? We plan to move back in together and getting married as soon as the money comes.
I am just so lost and confused.
Signed, Sex-starved Dear Sex-starved: So instead of lumping them all together and feeling blue, take one problem at a time, and deal with it. And believe me — he probably feels worse about this than you do! The reality is that sometimes men at his age, begin to show diminished interest and inability to perform the way they used to. So try to talk to him about visiting a physician just to make sure this actually IS a normal part of his personal aging process and not a symptom of some other medical problem.
But, the doctor may be able to suggest things he can do and take to make sex work a little better for the two of you, but the most important thing is, he needs is your support. And he needs to rule out medical issues. He should also consider prescriptions and other helpers the doctor can offer him. Your financial issues are probably a huge blow for him, more so than for you.
It would be a good idea to focus your energy on getting your divorce, child support and visitation in place, and getting a job, yourself. My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. He cheated on me before we were married and I left him.
Then, I agreed to forgive him and we decided to start our relationship fresh and get married. I just gave birth to our daughter a little over 2 months ago.
I recently found his Facebook page open so I clicked around and found that he had about 10 strippers as friends and was messaging girls from and on. He was asking strippers when they worked. He told one girl that we were separated! I confronted him about it and he said it was like a porn for him — that he never acted on anything and it was harmless.
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Please help me, I have a daughter with this man and I love him with all my heart. Is there something mentally wrong with him? Am I just a complete idiot for believing he will stop? Just saying the whole thing makes me feel like a fool. His reaction to your confrontation is disappointing. If the problem is between the two of you, then you can look at your own behavior and see where you may be contributing to the relationship rift, and then make changes. Most women in your shoes will look to the man to reroute his focus and change his behavior on his own, but what will be less frustrating in the long run, is for you to reroute yours.
Seduce him and become more mysterious and captivating than you are. The other reason he may be doing this is low self esteem, and the contact with these basically strangers who are sexy women, make him feel better about himself. The only problem is his mother. My fiance has told her again and again that this is a matter between him and myself and that she needs to stay out of it.
She responded by leaving voice mails saying that she was losing sleep over this; that this was ruining her weekends; and so on and so forth. We have been talking about getting one done and get wills done at the same time. The thought of seeing her again and dealing with her just makes me feel sick, right now. At the same time he loves his mom, of course. Which basically leaves me with no idea how to deal with this situation.
Besides, it will make things worse than they are if you end up engaged with her in battle. He already knows how unreasonable she is — and he still loves her. The best thing you can do is to change your own attitude and your behavior, and the way to do that is to limit your contact with her, create useful boundaries and summon up your best sense of humor.
Just do it quietly, gracefully, and efficiently. If you do spend time with her, limit it to an hour or less. If you want, you can very politely excuse yourself from the room when she starts talking about prenups. Excuses can range from meetings you forgot you had to bouts of stomach upset. Try to keep things up beat, positive and fun. In addition, find your sense of humor. If you can find it in your heart, comforting her will set her completely off guard, and may be the bridge you need between you and she.
Three months ago, I started work in a new company, which I love. Two weeks ago, I went out with a few people from work and got pretty drunk, and the evening ended with me hooking up with a co-worker. Before anything happened, he told me it would be better if we just stayed colleagues and I agreed although we were both pretty drunk. He spent the night at my place and went home early in the morning.
We work in an open office area, so I cannot come to him and ask why he is acting this way in front of everybody. Things are getting pretty awkward and I feel like i should do something.
What should I do? As for this guy, unfortunately, you never dated you simply got drunk after work with colleagues and had sex with him, in spite of his telling you it was going to be just sex, you want more.
And it sounds like you do. So, leave him alone, and try not to focus any more energy on what happened between the two of you I know, easier said than done, but do try. I recently discovered that he had been texting and visiting an ex-girlfriend. I contacted her and she said they just visit and no sex is involved. She said that she has known him for many years and he had never been self-sufficient.
He lived with her for five years until she made him leave because of his refusal to pull his weight. She said he texts that he thinks about her and is jealous when she is out and doesn't respond to his texts. He has also left birthday and Valentine's Day gifts at her front door during the year we have been dating. She forwarded his texts to me to corroborate her story. The night I called her to get to the truth, she said he had been over earlier and broke down and asked if she would rent him her spare bedroom.
She of course said no. Is money such a big deal to break up this relationship? Signed, Money or Love? Dear Money or Love, Time for some brutal honesty. In every relationship there are deal breakers. That can be a deal breaker. Well, now you do. Get over the guilt about who you are and what you want.
Nobody here is passing any judgment on you.
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The worst thing you can do is to be dishonest…. All the things you like about him will fade into the background and this problem will loom in the forefront. So, I connected with someone on a dating website who apparently wants the same thing as me and we started seeing each other.
The sex was hot, in spite of the discomfort. So, I went back to him. You both want a relationship, not a hook up, and the fact that sex is the main event has confused you. The reality is that even a Fifty Shades relationship requires compatibility! Hook ups, less so. In any relationship, compromise, deal making and knowing your deal breakers are all important. She is funny, social, popular and beautiful. The fact that he still keeps in touch with her hurts me.
He texts her every once in a while, talks to her at parties and it makes me jealous and insecure. I love him so much, but why does he feel the need to keep in touch?
Your boyfriend is in touch with his ex because he wants to be. Compete for his attention. He is a wonderful man I met three years ago at work.
He works the day shift, and I work the night shift. He works all day and then goes hunting. He loves to hunt. He goes morning and night, and he never misses a day. We never make love, and we used to all the time before we got married.
All I want is to be able to spend more time with him. I love him so much. First of all, you have to give him something to want to stay home for. In other words, you have to be seductive and sexy. Familiarity is very common in marriages, and it combats excitement and seduction, so break the pattern and make things more exciting at home for him.
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There are lots of ways to do this. Scented candles, a beautiful dinner, making him feel desired — these are all ways to get him more interested. Second, you have to give yourselves opportunities to have sex.
We own a house together and live together. But six months ago, I began having doubts about our long-term compatibility. See, I love discussing big issues: Recently, the physical intimacy has completely ended.
Breaking up would be messy. Is this the life he wants? And they were there when you bought a home together, and moved in together, and when he proposed to you and you accepted.
They can be parts of a healthy, happy relationship, or they can also be divisive deal breakers, too. It really depends on the couple. So the question is, do you want to try to win him over and get him back, or do you want to let go and move on?
If you want to win him over, there are lots of ways to get out of sexual slumps and romantic dry spells — which are all pretty normal parts of long term relationships. Complacency is no longer an option. You have to take action, or have it taken against you. He is handsome and rough around the edges, kind of hostile, aggressive and almost demeaning in the way he spoke and expressed himself.
He lives in Atlanta, I in Tampa. He told me to Google him, and I saw he is married, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and agreed to drive to meet him. He was even better looking in person, but he was intoxicated and he had on a wedding band, but insisted he was not married.
We went to a hotel and had a sleep over sex date. He left in the morning, saying he would return to bring me something to eat. He never came back. I called him numerous times, and even drove by his business where we argued, and he refused to give me gas money.
I finally drove home, and did some research. He was 13 years married with two kids. He finally told me to stop calling him, and his wife refused my FB request. I feel like such a fool. So, here they are: Do not have sex on the first date.
Get to know the man first. You should count yourself lucky to be alive. What happened to you was bad, but it could have been a lot worse. Believe me, she knows everything. Never drive out of state to meet a guy from the internet for a first date. These four rules will improve your life immensely! We are both in the process of divorce. His will be final in two months, mine in four. The divorces were in the works prior to us talking.
We both have kids in the mix who happen to be friendsand are both fighting for civility in our divorces. Should I continue to pursue this relationship, or should I move on? Signed, Dating While Divorcing Dear Dating While Divorcing, Even though it may not seem like it, dating during divorce is the same thing as dating during marriage.
Sometimes people start dating during a failing marriage so they can have some happiness or see the light at the end of the tunnel, because divorce can be quick, but it can also take years and years. Since you both have children, you may or may not realize that custody arrangements and child support can change at any moment when one party challenges the status quo. Many times spouse will take out their anger by raging on the custody arrangement and the child support agreement simply to exact revenge about an ex dating.
Once you accept this, I think it will be easier for you not to be confused as much as you are disappointed.
When you pursue him, it takes that opportunity for him to pursue, away from him — and the opportunity for you to have clarity, away from you. I know that you say that you call and text daily, but my advice here is to stop. On the second date, we ended up sleeping together, which is not something I normally do with any guy, in fact up until this point I had not had sex in over ten years. A couple more dates passed, and I brought up exclusivity. He said he was not ready for a relationship because his divorce scarred him.
He was understanding but he does not want a monogamous relationship with anyone. What can I do to get him to commit? But in terms of your relationship with this guy, your question about how you get him to commit is a little complicated. In addition, instead of trying to get him to see things through your eyes, try to see things through his eyes.
That may actually turn things around. Right now, he sees you as trying to trap him. And if you can accept that, and show him empathy for his part in this surprise pregnancy, he may become more empathetic and maybe even want give it a try.
You see, if the two of you are locked on opposite sides of a battle, this will go nowhere good. You have to try and seduce him into seeing you as the woman he wants, not insisting to him that you be that person. Change your perspective and your attitude and give it your best shot.
He never initiates anything — dates, sex he blames his age, 47dinner with him and his daughter — but always seems interested when I initiate it.
He also never gives me compliments on anything really, nor does he ever tell me how much he enjoys spending time with me.