Codependency Relationships - Codependent
If you are married and think that you may be in a codependent marriage, the first step is to stop looking at the other, and take a look at yourself. If you're sacrificing yourself, your interests and seeing your family and friends to keep a toxic partner afloat, you may be in a a codependent. Codependent relationships are for the most part one-sided and result in an Advice Home > How To > Healthy Relationships How To Stop Being.
- Codependency vs. Interdependency
- How to Fix an Addicted and Codependent Relationship
The presence of a family member suffering from a chronic mental or physical illness. Dysfunctional families do not acknowledge that problems exist. As a result, family members learn to repress emotions and disregard their own needs.
The identity and emotional development of the members of a dysfunctional family are often inhibited Attention and energy focus on the family member who is ill or addicted.
The co-dependent person typically sacrifices his or her needs to take care of a person who is sick. How Do Co-dependent People Behave? Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better.
Others may develop compulsive behaviors like workaholism, gambling, or indiscriminate sexual activity. They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating.
Codependency vs. Interdependency
Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships. Your moods are controlled by the thoughts and feelings of those around you. Codependency is often seen in people with borderline personality disorder BPDalthough this does not mean all people with codependency issues also meet the criteria for a diagnosis of BPD.
You quietly take on extra responsibilities around the house or in parenting your children because your partner is always under the influence. You risk your own financial future by loaning money to your partner to cover debts incurred from substance abuse.
Addiction impairs judgement and critical thinking skills. This makes it very difficult for someone with a substance use disorder to see that he or she needs help. When you go out of your way to prevent your partner from experiencing the consequences of substance abuse, you make it less likely that he or she will acknowledge that a problem exists. Loving someone with a substance use disorder can also cause your codependent tendencies to spiral out of control.
This creates a vicious cycle that traps both of you in a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship.
Healing from Codependency The good news is that codependency is a learned behavior, which means it can be unlearned. If you love your partner and want to keep the relationship, you need to heal yourself first and foremost.
Some healthy steps to healing your relationship from codependency include: Start being honest with yourself and your partner.
Doing things that we do not want to do not only wastes our time and energy, but it also brings on resentments.
Saying things that we do not mean only hurts us, because we then are living a lie. Be honest in your communication and in expressing your needs and desires. Catch yourself when you begin to think negatively. If you begin to think that you deserve to be treated badly, catch yourself and change your thoughts. Be positive and have higher expectations.
It takes a lot of work for a codependent person not to take things personally, especially when in an intimate relationship. Accepting the other as they are without trying to fix or change them is the first step. There is nothing wrong with taking a break from your partner. It is healthy to have friendships outside of your partnership. Going out with friends brings us back to our center, reminding us of who we really are. Get into counseling with your partner.
A counselor serves as an unbiased third party. They can point out codependent tendencies and actions between the two of you that you may not be aware of.
Feedback can provide a starting point and direction. Change cannot happen if we do not change. Rely on peer support. Co-Dependents Anonymous is a step group similar to Alcoholics Anonymous that helps people who want to break free of their codependent behavior patterns.
Those who struggle with codependency often have trouble with boundaries. We often thrive off guilt and feel bad when we do not put the other first. In a healthy relationship, both people have fully formed identities outside of their time together.